Under My Skin

Reflections

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 03:38:06 GMT

I had to walk through the park on Jefferson to get to the station house today... the sidewalks were closed on Madison. I walked right by the bench where we were sitting back in June... back when he told me he was willing to try. Things aren't the same with him gone. My apartment feels empty. He was always tripping over something, or cooking, or singing.

I miss him. I never even got the chance to tell him... well, it doesn't matter, now. He made me bitter. If it's even possible, I feel colder than I was when we met.

I've spoken to Munch recently. It's so strange that when Enrico disappeared from my life, John crashed back in. Abbie's gone. That would have made me happy, nine months ago. Now I feel almost pleased... not because I could have him, but because they're hurting, too. It doesn't seem right that people are still happy.

Anyway, the banter is amusing enough, even if we end up - well, if I end up - angry. But I have no intention of letting myself twist my heart around John Munch's finger again. I'm bitter enough on my own, I definitely don't need all of his issues in addition.

Private

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 06:39:36 GMT

Gracie dropped by the other night to talk to Enrico. It's weird; I didn't realize until she pointed it out that he has been living with me. I want to ask him if he just wants to make it official and have done with it, but I know that officiality scares the wits out of him.

He's worried about his sister. Considering the stories I've heard, it's not without good cause, but for some reason I don't think he'll have to worry about Falco. From what I can tell, he's a pretty good guy. I may have to speak to him about it, though. While I don't want to make life hard on him arbitrarily... this is my boyfriend's sister.

Hm... may have to make a point to accidentally run into him later.

Case D

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 05:09:41 GMT

John, what the hell happened? Coercion? Not honoring a minor's request for a lawyer? What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?

Seriously. The next time something like this happens, you'll get more than just a bitchy e-mail message. Don't do it again!

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 06:47:14 GMT

The whiteboard on Alex's door - the one that has read ' ~~Gone to SVU, back soon~~ On extended leave' for the last two weeks - has been erased. In the old message's place is a new one:

'I'm back. First ~~dog~~ intern to bring me coffee gets a chewy toy.'

I'm still nervous about coming back, but if what Enrico says is true, I should be okay. After all, it's not like I was actually threatened. Just because I caught wind of the Ghost didn't necessitate flight, although I must say, I'm going with the 'better safe than sorry' philosophy this time around.

Panic

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 22:48:21 GMT

((So, I'm back-dating this to Monday afternoon, because the computer is turned off, and that was when it all went down. Urgh, I hate being out of sequence. For all the gory details on my computer-less state, see my LJ.))

It can't be him. It can't be, it just... no. He's in jail, he's locked up forever. He can't hurt me anymore!

But what other explanation could there be? If he finds me, if he gets to me again...

He won't make the same mistake twice.

God, why did I say such stupid things?

This means going back into the program. I can't do this. I can't. I won't. If I have to go away again...

Away.

I don't think I could stand it. But I have to. It's run or die.

Why is this happening to me?

My life was taken from me, only to be returned. And now it's all slipping through my fingers again.

Oh, God. I don't want to die, but I don't want to give this up, either.

I can't handle this.

Enrico, where are you? Can you get to your apartment? I... I need to see you.

It's that time, kiddies...

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 07:19:41 GMT

(Yes, so! Four questions is how it works, people. Because I am hoping on the OOC meme train. You know the drill.)

I heard it through the grape-vine...

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 02:38:11 GMT

I hear John's back. Word travels on the courthouse grapevine pretty darned fast.

I'm... not sure how I'm going to handle this. I may just avoid him. Although that won't work long.

This is stupid. We're both adults. I can handle this, it's no big deal. It'll be fine.

*sigh* Who'm I kidding? I'm sure it'll be awkward as all hell.

I'm not bitter about it. Whatever fleeting affection I had for him - I'd like to think as a shock of dropping back so suddenly into my life, although of course, I could always just be humoring myself - is gone. I wouldn't mind working with him. I'd like to be his friend.

I've got Enrico, and he's got Abbie. And it's good, I'm glad. It's probably better like this than it would have been if...

Anyway. It's not that I want to be anything to him that I used to want to be. It's that we - and yes, I say we, because we both did it - made fools of ourselves. How does one remedy that?

Hopefully time will tell.

Spin

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 05:03:54 GMT

Busy day today. I was late... pretty horribly late, actually, something like three hours? Thankfully, things are slow around here for the moment, otherwise I'd be screwed.

I actually woke up naturally, which was nice. Not so nice was the mad dash to get showered, dressed, and all that stuff, in time to catch the nine o'clock subway. No such luck, however.

I did stop for bagels and coffee because of it, though, so my loss is Casey's gain... I got a chocolate scone and a decaffeinated almond-lemon tea for her. It seemed like something she'd want, although what do pregnant women eat, anyway? Is she going to be craving something bizarre like sardines and peanut butter? I'd like a bit of warning, if so.

Met up with Enrico in the park before work... it never ceases to surprise me how many sides there are to his personality, to him. I keep wondering what happened, to make him so self-damning. Hopefully knowing that I trust him will help him trust him, if that makes any sense.

I also ran into Judge Ross in the courthouse, although thankfully not as literally as last time. I know at the time I thought she was acting strangely, and no wonder. The interns inform me that Steve Ross actually died. Way to stick your foot in your mouth, Cabot, you told her you wanted to know all the painful details of the duck's visit. Note to self - Topics to be avoided in polite conversation: Ex-spouses, dead ex-spouses, and unlucky porcelain animals. It seems I hit the trifecta. Lucky me.

I am going to at least attempt a semblance of grace, even though I'm beginning to remember that my social skills are basically nonexsistant.

Happy camper? I think not...

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 01:17:56 GMT

Bleh. Today is just not a good day for legal work, I'm convinced.

I've been staring at this page for the last fifteen minutes and I still have no idea what it says. This, my friends, is the pits. Plain and simple.

I wonder if Jack would throw a hissy fit if I played hooky tommorow...

Or maybe I'll just take an asprin, grin, and bear it. Today is, what? Monday? Four more days till the weekend.

*sigh* I need more caffeine if I'm going to make any sort of dent in this paperwork.

Sunday Night

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 22:14:54 GMT

Falco, you do realize that I basically own your soul now, right? You owe me big time, Duke Duckie. I mean like, 'sold your soul to the boss' big time. Do you even know how many cracks I've gotten about "The Crown Jewels?" ::shudders::

Other than that the evening was... well, I was going to say fun, but that's not strictly correct. I'll settle for interesting. Somewhat of a fiasco, but then, what did we expect with two judges, three prosecutors, a defense attorney, and a cop? Certainly not civilized company, but amusement at the very least.

And, I am happy to note, I escaped from the duck unscathed once again.

Reaction For Action

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 03:09:23 GMT

Alex was tired when she finally got back to her office that afternoon. She had been tied up all day with other matters - there was a host of other cases to try and other business to attend to. She dropped into the deep leather chair with a sigh at her aching muscles. Noting that her answering machine was blinking - nothing new - she pressed the button to play the messages.

The first was from Steele, he wanted her to take over one of her cases. She groaned and pulled her hair up off of her shoulders.

The second was from her neighbor, asking if she would pick her up some lettuce on her way home. Alex made a note to humor the sweet older woman and stop at the bodega near her apartment.

The third was from Casey.

Alex, we lost jurisdiction of the case. I'll give you the details later

Alex froze. Her glasses dropped to the floor. And then, the shock broken, she slammed her hand against her desk so hard that it stung. She didn't care.

"Fuck!"

The case had gone to shit. When had that happened? She practically threw her books around the office, trying to sift through them for something, anything that could get them out of this mess.

How could Casey have let this happen? Alex glowered and sent a scathing glare at the other woman's office, dark for the night.

"She'd better have a damned good excuse."

Wednesday Night

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 07:08:59 GMT

So, look who's back in town! Seems we've both returned from our status as AWOL employees of the NYPD. How have you been? God, it feels like forever. Are you free sometime this week? We should go have lunch or something, catch up. Call me at Hogan Place or e-mail me back.

- AC

¿Tan, cuando voy a te mirar otra vez? Me evitas?

Me llamas por telefono adelante si recibes un ocasión.

- Alex

((OOC: So, when am I going to see you again? You avoiding me? Call me later if you get a chance.))

The Weekend's End

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 03:20:58 GMT

Last night was... not at all what I expected. Okay, so maybe I suspected that something of that sort might happen. Might. But I was in no way sure, and I certainly didn't plan it. But I decided that I would go out and have fun with a friend. Although what he said was true: I did know what I was doing, and I did (and do) play the game well.

I had fun, regardless. And... I don't regret it. Which is something, at least.

I'm not really sure why I did it. I think that I was tired of being hurt - because regardless of what I keep telling myself, John not being honest about Abbie did hurt. I know it wasn't his fault, that he was just confused, but it still did - and tired of being alone. I think that I really was afraid that Casey had replaced me. I think... I wanted to prove that I wasn't untouchable. That someone did still want me, that I could still belong.

Enrico is so different than any of the other men I've dated. (Are we dating? Note to self: ask Enrico) But that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact... I think it just might be a very good thing.

----------------------------

So, I've just finished fuming. Let me just say, Jack, that you have a cruel and unusual sense of humor.

It's not that I can't work with Novak. I can. I mean, I'll have to. It's that I desperately don't want to. I have this sinking feeling that we're going to screw this up royally. But I'd best not say that too loud, lest the defense happen to catch wind of our... disagreements. Not that the entire building doesn't already know. ::sighs::

::Alex's computer lets out a 'ping!' signalling new mail. Tiredly, she scrolls through her inbox and opens the message. She reads it. Closes her eyes in frustration. Rereads it. Then instead of typing a reply, she sits back in her chair to work for an hour or two - she'll leave the niceties for later, when she's cooled down. At the moment, she has no idea what to say to Casey Novack, her self-proclaimed replacement::

Private Entry: Crash

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 07:08:03 GMT

ADA A Cabot : ::rapped on the open door of Casey's office and leaned against the doorjamb::
CaseyNovack : *looks, expecting one of the SVU detectives but hoping for Liz. Raises eyebrows.*Come in.
ADA A Cabot : ::gave the other woman a smile - nice enough, but not entirely genuine. She walked into the room and stood in front of the desk:: Hi. Just thought I'd check in on you, see how you were doing.

CaseyNovack : *triesd to control the color rising in her cheeks. wondered what the hell Cabot wanted. regarded Alex quizically. Couldn't help but be defensive* I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to warrant anyone checking in on me. I have been working here for almost three years.

ADA A Cabot : ::she used her "defense" voice:: I actually came to check on Casey, not ADA Novack. ::she sat, uninvited, in the chair in front of the desk:: I know you can do your job. You wouldn't be here if you couldn't.
CaseyNovack : *sighed and shuffled some papers around her desk* I'm fine. Sorry, it's just...I'm okay.
ADA A Cabot : ::looks at Casey's desk, acting casual:: How's Liz?

CaseyNovack : *stares directly into the blonde's eyes* It seems word gets around more quickly than I thought. *looks back down at the papers and places them in a folder*
ADA A Cabot : ::shrugs:: You know how the aides are. ::pauses for a moment:: But things are going well, yes?
CaseyNovack : *noncommittally nodding* Mmhmm. Things are fine.

ADA A Cabot : ::senses Casey's unwillingness to go into it:: Well... good. I'm glad you two are happy.
CaseyNovack : *looks up suddently* Are you? *rubs temples before running her hands through her hair* Shit, I'm sorry.
ADA A Cabot : ::blinks, and then says curiously:: No, it's okay. Am I what?

CaseyNovack : *sighs, stands up and rounds the desk, gingerly sitting on its edge* Are you glad that I'm happy?
ADA A Cabot : ::a little warrily:: Of course. Why wouldn't I be?
CaseyNovack : *raises eyebrow* Why are you really here?
ADA A Cabot : ::she leans back in her chair:: Curiosity, I suppose. Envy. Self-preservation. Good intentions that seem to curl up and die every time we're in a room together.

CaseyNovack : *smiles, genuinely, but she does not let it linger* Well, at least you're honest. Alex *cautiously* I...this is as bad for me as it is for you.
ADA A Cabot : ::she rubs her lip thoughtfully:: I know. ::she pauses:: We're never going to get along, are we? ::smiles ruefully::
CaseyNovack : *crosses arms and shakes head, with a deadpan face* Never. *lets an awkward moment pass then smiles genuinely*

ADA A Cabot : ::she bows her head and a low chuckle escapes her lips:: Why d'you think that is?
CaseyNovack : *bites her lip without thinking* The competition. I was compared to you for an entire year. Sometimes I heard the conversations, but mostly I could just see it. Even Liz did it for a while...when she was still my boss. And when I finally feel comfortable you just...*trails off thoughtfully*

CaseyNovack : *purses lips and runs fingers through the hair that has fallen over her eyes* Yeah, it does sound horrible. Sometimes I wonder if you have any idea how hard it was...but then I think about what you went through. You were brave to face it, but, damnit, *becomes flushed* I was brave to stay here...to try to live up to you and eventually to realize that I didn't have to.

CaseyNovack : *stands and begins to pace very evenly, not aggitated but with purpose*
ADA A Cabot : It wasn't fair, Casey. You shouldn't have had to follow in my footsteps. And I'm sorry that it happened. ::quietly:: I'm sorry it had to happen.
CaseyNovack : *evenly* What was I supposed to do Alex. I was new, I was younger than you, and I was walking into a lion's den. Oh, *waves hand dismissevely* it's all in the past now. But you came back... *shakes head* And here's my moment to be horrible...but why in hell did you have to come back? *looking up, unabashedly, into Alex's eyes*

ADA A Cabot : ::she stiffens, and doesn't shirk away from Casey's gaze:: For justice. And because I shouldn't have had to give up my life in the first place. ::she softened a little:: I wanted what was mine.
CaseyNovack : *keeps staring. speaking softly* Even if it wasn't yours anymore? Even if you had...have to take it from me?
ADA A Cabot : ::matches her tone:: It was always mine, Casey.

CaseyNovack : *steps forward* You are as arrogant as the rumors have you, aren't you? How can you even walk in here and say that to me? *still softly, not angrily or confrontationally somehow* Alex, how can you?
ADA A Cabot : ::defensively:: And I never claimed to be anything but. ::sighs:: I didn't mean to. But... you have to know that it's the truth. ::she met Casey's eyes again:: Something was taken from me, and I want it back - the only people who should be hurt by that are those to blame, but... sometimes others get caught in the middle.

CaseyNovack : *slowly* It's not yours anymore, Alex. I earned this.
ADA A Cabot : ::shakes her head:: You earned something of your own, Casey. Not something that wasn't theirs to give.
CaseyNovack : *purses lips, letting the silence stretch just a bit too long* And how do we reconcile that, Alex?
ADA A Cabot : ::quietly:: We don't.

CaseyNovack : *with sudden, quiet force* That's not good enough, and you know it.
ADA A Cabot : ::she stands, agitated:: What do you want me to do, Casey? Because I've thought about it. Really, I have. And as far as I can tell, there's nothing more I can possibly do for you, so I'm sorry that your life is fucked up because I'm still alive, but I can't help it.

CaseyNovack : My life *she says evenly* is fine. You haven't done anything for me, Alex, anything at all. Now, I apologize if I'm a bump in your road to greatness, but I'm not going anywhere.
ADA A Cabot : ::she laughs in something bordering derision:: Right, your life is fine. This from the woman who's afraid I'm taking her place. I did you a favor, Casey ::there is a climactic silence for a moment, and when she speaks again her voice is venemous:: I had the courtesy not to squash you like a bug. Because I could have, and I would've done it with a smile. It's nothing personal, understand. But certain things shouldn't be shared.

CaseyNovack : *smirks* You've got a hell of a lot of confidence in yourself. Oh, I was afraid you'd take my place...was. *regards her for a moment, speaking as softly, kindly as Alex was venomous* Were you always so cold? Did you always have so much bitterness and hate?

ADA A Cabot : ::she wavers for a moment, obviously struck by the insult - knowing that it's completely true - but almost as soon as it appears it's gone in a flash, and she regains her confidence. She crosses her arms over her chest, raises an eyebrow, and shifts her weight onto one leg so that her hip just out in an authorative stance:: And were you always so fiery and uncontrolled? ::her tone is mocking:: Really, Cassandra, that temper should be reigned in. It'll get the best of you one day. ::she smirks::

CaseyNovack : *her tone is low but foreceful enough to make the other woman listen* That is not my name. *she saunters slowly in a slight semi-circle, almost preditorily* Does it scare you?
ADA A Cabot : ::she doesn't move to track her progress, knowing that it would be a sign of weakness, but she does send the red-head a withering look out of the corner of her eye:: Does what scare me?
CaseyNovack : Lack of control. *she stops, closer to Alex than when she started*

ADA A Cabot : ::she tilts up her chin in a challenge:: No. Why should it? That's your problem. Not mine.
CaseyNovack : *smiles* it's not a problem, Alex.
ADA A Cabot : It'd better not be. Screaming at the defense is generally frowned upon in court, you know.
ADA A Cabot : ::snorts, partially in an effort to hide that shadow of guilt that lurks behind her eyes:: Your suits weren't enough? Lena Petrovsky likes me well enough, Casey. Though I suppose some of us aren't as scrupulous as others when associating with our colleagues...

CaseyNovack : *shakes head and chuckles, almost sadly* So, you finally brought it back to that. I'm amazed at your retraint; I was sure it would come sooner.
ADA A Cabot : ::her eyebrows snap down in irritation:: Do you have any idea what a fiasco this could become?
CaseyNovack : *half snorts/half laughs* I'm not that naive, Cabot. But wouldn't you love it if it did turn out that way...
ADA A Cabot : ::smirks:: Well, I won't lie to you, since you obviously seem aware of the situation.

CaseyNovack : You've taken quite a few risks in your career, and I am no different. *puts hands on hips and stares down at the slightly shorter woman*
ADA A Cabot : ::she pulled herself up to her full height so that she was nearly eye-to-eye with her:: Of course I have. Risks are part of the job. But I never let personal dramas get in the way of work.
CaseyNovack : *laughs a little bitterly* That is hardly drama. This, however, is.

ADA A Cabot : Somehow I get the impression that sleeping with a female coworker and fighting with the woman whom you replaced - or should I say tried to replace? - aren't quite on the same level of the social scale. You're walking a tightrope, Novack. And one day, you're going to fall.

CaseyNovack : What Liz and I have is beyond sex, but, really, I do not have to expound upon my relationship with her to you of all people. And as touched as I am by your warning, I have no doubt that you'll be waiting eagerly to take my place. That's right, Alex, you might not think I have completely taken yours--perhaps I haven't--but a sizeable chunk of what you had is gone. And it did not take this conversation for me to know you'll do anything to get it back.

ADA A Cabot : ::she looked at the younger woman dismissively:: Psh. I hate to break it to you, dear, but you never took my place. ::points at the wall, behind which all the other ADAs are eagerly eavesdropping, if they're true to form:: They're still loyal to me. My detectives are still loyal to me. ::points to the door. Although her name was removed long ago, and Casey's took its place, the faint outline of "Alexandra Cabot, ADA" was still visible:: It was a temporary replacement. Nothing more.
CaseyNovack : "laughs and shakes her head* Is that what you tell yourself Alex? Is that how you get through the day?

ADA A Cabot : ::leans back on her heels:: If it is, then it does the same thing for me as the ridiculous notion that you've replaced me does for you.
CaseyNovack : *she narrowed her eyes* Things changed, and I have replaced you.
ADA A Cabot : ::her face mirrored Casey's:: You're right. Things do change. And if I had remained Emily, you would have taken my place. But the funny thing is, Casey... things changed again. I'm back. And as much as you hate that fact, we have to deal with it because I'm not going anywhere.

CaseyNovack : Good. *she smiled, eerily calm* I always liked a challenge.
ADA A Cabot : ::she gave her a cold smile:: That makes two of us, then.
CaseyNovack : *crosses her arms and sighs* You're every bit a piece of work that people said you were. Oh, don't dilude yourself, Alexandra, the memories of you weren't all blue skies and rainbows.

ADA A Cabot : ::her smile is sugary sweet:: I'm glad, then. If all were fond memories of what a lovely woman I was, I wouldn't have been doing my job right. ::she hardens:: Get over it, Casey. You step on people, you smash some, but you make it work.
CaseyNovack : *she shrugs and returns the smile, hers dripping with even more sweetness* If that's how you prefer to get the job done, Alex...
ADA A Cabot : There's no other way to do these things, Casey.

CaseyNovack : There's always another way. But you always did have a one-track mind.
ADA A Cabot : ::lifts one shoulder in a careless half-shrug:: Some say it's a flaw. I'd say it's direct. I don't like to flirt around things. I don't like you. You don't like me. And that's never going to change.
CaseyNovack : *Casey shook her head, a half smile playing on her face* Pity.
ADA A Cabot : ::She held Casey's gaze for a moment, the same intensity that burned in her eyes in court making an appearance now::

CaseyNovack : *she did not flinch and she barely blinked. her stare just as intense as Cabot's. she saw bitterness, anger, shame, and worry in the other woman's icy blue eyes, and she wondered for a moment how much of that belonged to Cabot and how much of that was reflecting from her soft green irises* We're done here.

ADA A Cabot : ::gives the other woman a last assessing glance before giving her a curt nod and walking to the door:: You're done, you mean. ::she passes through the doorway, but then leans back into the room to give Casey another sweet smile.:: Take care, Casey. So glad we had this little chat.

CaseyNovack : *closes her eyes and sighs to herself* Oh, Alex, why do you have so much pain, so much bitterness? I might have been done...I might have let this go, but now... . *she opens her eyes and goes back to her work*

ADA A Cabot : She sat back down behind the intimidatingly large desk and busied herself, ignoring the stares of the other prosecutors that she could feel resting on her. It was nothing - business as usual. But as Alex thought back on her conversation with Casey, she decided that one day she'd make the redhead eat her words.

The funny thing is, I went in with the best intentions. I planned on making nice, chatting her up, and kissing a little ass, because I know that it'll be easier if we're on good terms.

*snorts* So much for that.

That woman infuriates me. And I intend to make her fully understand why no one messes with me. It's not often that people make me angry enough to want to destroy them, but when they do... I'm a heartless bitch. I'll crush her. And I won't lose any sleep at night.

I want you to remember me that way

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 06:10:05 GMT

I heard a song on the radio a moment ago. It was appropriate, I thought. A nice song, though. I'm getting a copy of the CD sometime.

Blue like the winter snow in this full moon
Pale like the silhouettes of the trees
Late blooming flowers lie frozen underneath the stars
I want you to remember me that way

Far away
I'll be gone
Will you wait for me here?
How long?
I don't know
But wait for me here

Still as the river grows in December
Silent and perfect blinding ice
Spring keeps her promises
No cold can keep her back
I want you to remember me that way

Far away
I'll be gone
Will you wait for me here?
How long?
I don't know
But wait for me here
Follow?
Don't follow me to where I've gone
Someday you'll take my place
And I'll wait for you here

Hurt

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 02:54:08 GMT

I feel like a kid again.

Like when I'd skin my knee or accidentally cut my finger on the chain of your bike? And then my mom would come and say, "Now, Alex, let me see."

And I'd frantically cry, "No! Don't touch it, don't touch it." I'd curl up, protecting what ever part of me was hurt and squeezing my eyes shut in fear and denial because I knew that if she touched it or looked at it, it would really start to hurt, it would be real.

Right now, it doesn't hurt. As long as I don't look or touch, I'll be okay. Just don't get to close, just don't analyze or think about anything. Just carry on like normal. And whatever you do, don't let anyone see it.

I'll be fine.

Yashida Case

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 02:09:55 GMT

So, I plead out the Yashida case today. Langan has agreed to murder two and sexual assault three in exchange for his client's transfer to prison in Japan.

Good work, detectives. But next time, try to get me some more concrete evidence, hmm? I would've liked to have nailed her for murder one and put her away for life. I know, though, that this case was crap as far as witnesses and forensics went. And at least we got her.

Bailiff: please rise for the Honorable Judge Jamie Ross.

ADA A Cabot ::stands::

TrevorLangan: ::rises::

judgejamieross: ::she enters::

judgejamieross ::goes to the bench::

judgejamieross ::raps her gavel:: Court is in session. Case...*reads number* people versus Haruka Yashida.

judgejamieross ::looks to Trevor:: Mr. Langan. How does your client plead?

TrevorLangan : Guilty, your honor.

judgejamieross: ::to Alex:: I assume the people don't have a problem with this.

ADA A Cabot: No, your honor, we have no objections.

judgejamieross: I assume, Mr. Langan, that your client is prepared to allocute?

TrevorLangan: She requests that she be transferred to a japanese prison, and that the charge be dropped from first degree murder to manslaughter.

judgejamieross ::she nearly scoffs and looks to Cabot::

ADA A Cabot: The people are willing to transfer Mrs. Yashida to a Japanese prison in exchange for her plea of guilty, and will reduce the charges for sexual assault. However, your client brutally premeditated and carried out a murder.

TrevorLangan: Your honor, the only evidence linking my client to the crime was a DNA sample on a sword that her family owns. I think the reduced sentence is more than acceptable.

ADA A Cabot: A priceless antique that was only handled by experts - Mrs. Yashida would have no reason to come into direct contact with the sword, unless using it to slay her stepdaughter.

judgejamieross: Considering she was about to be charged for first degree murder, Mr. Langan, and is now pleading guilt, I see no compelling reason to reduce the charge. I will, however, grant the motion to transfer her to Japan.

TrevorLangan: My client wishes to maintain the integrity of her family's name, which is why she has agreed to plead out. Should the people take this to court, I believe they would have a very difficult time proving their case.

TrevorLangan: Given their lack of evidence.

TrevorLangan: I renew my motion to have the charges reduced.

judgejamieross: ::almost amused:: Ms. Cabot?

ADA A Cabot: The integrity of the family name is exactly why Mrs. Yashida killed her daughter. We have DNA, witnesses who can attest to the situation between Mrs. Yashida and her step-daugheter, and a motive. ::looks to Langan:: Make no mistake, a jury would find her guilty. We're willing to plead down the sexual assault charge down to third degree and transfer her in exchange for her plea.

judgejamieross: ::looks at Trevor:: I have to go with the people on this one, Mr. Langan. My ruling stays as is.

TrevorLangan : Your honor, there are no witnesses, no forensics, and no one witness that would testify to the motive. All of it is speculation on the part of the NYPD. Murder three.

judgejamieross: ::she looked toward Cabot:: He does have a point, Ms Cabot.

ADA A Cabot: ::sighs, thinking for a moment:: Murder two, third degree sexual assault, transfer to Japan and time served.

TrevorLangan: Murder three.

judgejamieross: ::raises her brows::

ADA A Cabot: ::shakes her head:: No deal. Your client premeditated the murder and assault... seeing as how you're pleading gulty, you're really not in a position to compromise.

TrevorLangan: ::Smirks:: All your very limited evidence is circumstantial at best. Murder three is more than what you'd get at trial.

judgejamieross: Murder two. Third degree assault. Final ruling. This is a guilt pleading, Mr. Langan, not a lottery giveaway.

TrevorLangan: ::Nods::

judgejamieross: If you have the motion, you can bring it to my chambers or give it to one of my clerks and I can get her signed over to the Japanese government.

TrevorLangan: ::Nods:: I'll bring it to chambers.

judgejamieross: ::nods:: Court is adjourned. ::gavelbang::

E-mail to Jack McCoy

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 01:19:46 GMT

Jack,

I'm doing fine. Other than pleading out the Yashida case tommorow I've got nothing big going on. Sorry it took so long to get to you - technical glitches, and all of that. Take care.

- A

Maybe

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 23:17:57 GMT

::She kicked the door in pent up frustration, and confusion. The grandfather clock in the hallway tolled noon - her lunch hour. Instead of putting her things away and heading to the break room, however, she slid off her pumps, what she calls "court shoes". She pulled on a pair of more comfortable sneakers that clashed with her straight-cut trousers and silk blouse, but it didn't much matter to her at that moment. Pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she scribbled a note on the whiteboard and headed out of Hogan Place, towards the park::

A note on the white-board on Alex's office door:

Gone for a walk. Back when I feel like it.
~AC

I don't know why I did what I did, or why I said what I said. Maybe I'm just tired of being Alex Cabot, Ice Queen Extrordinaire. Or maybe for once I wanted to stop thinking and just let go, to follow my instincts and not care about the consequences. Maybe it wasn't a smart thing to do. I asked him if it would be wrong, to kiss him. And he didn't answer.

At the time I took it for a no. But now I'm not so sure. It could be wrong, and it could be a bad idea. Or it could be a good one. ::sighs:: I don't know.

Regardless of my indesicion, either way I'm glad that I at least said those things. Because... I meant them. As surprising as that is. I really did wish, after I died, that it had been him I'd spoken to instead of Olivia and Elliot. I get the feeling that with him, it would've felt... okay, to go away. Like it was only temporary. Like I'd be back soon, that things would be safe again.

And I even think I know why I didn't say goodbye. I think it was because I was afraid that if I saw him, I would... I don't know, make some attempt to tell him that I cared about him, and that would've been unfair, for both of us. At the time, I was leaving for good, and I didn't want to offer something I couldn't give. I was afraid of hurting him, and I was afraid of hurting myself.

But... things have changed. Such is the way of the world - things always change. I'm back, and... I think that it might be okay, now, to say those things, to offer what I couldn't before. Maybe we'll still get hurt, but... maybe I don't mind so much.

Does this mean I get cake?

Sun, 28 May 2006 01:20:39 GMT

My mother called today to inform me that in four days, I will be turning thirty-two. Funnily, enough, I had forgotten - partly because I've been busy lately and partly because for the last two years I've been "celebrating", if it can be called that, on January 17th.

I never thought Alex would be getting older. Alex was dead. It was more than I ever dared to hope for that she would come back to life, that she would live to see another year. And... she has. I have. And that's the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Private Entry and RP Moment

Sat, 20 May 2006 22:45:28 GMT

I ran into Enrico last night, when I went to visit Abbie. ::sighs::

If I keep this up, I'll have no friends. Honestly, how much vascilating can one guy put up with? I need to stop putting on the breaks every time we might get close to getting to know each other.

I'm used to keeping the world at arms' length. And its frustrating when I want to stop holding back but can't seem to.

::shakes her head:: Either way, I'm meeting him in Central Park in an hour... and I'm going to make an honest effort this time not to pull back. Wish me luck.

::Alex steps back from the computer. After heading into the bedroom, she peels off her pajamas and slips on a pair of comfortable running shorts and a cotton t-shirt. She pulls her blonde hair back into a ponytail, tugs on her sneakers, and grabs her keys off of the counter before giving her apartment a last once over to make sure everything is in place and slipping out the door::

Private Entry

Thu, 18 May 2006 00:57:30 GMT

It was odd. He was the first person I've discussed Emily with. And although I was glad when we turned back to more mundane subjects, it made me realize...

Maybe I'm not taking this too well. And maybe I need to remember. Because if I forget... that whole part of my life will be lost.

I don't ever want to be Emily again. But I don't want Alex to forget who she was. Because if she forgets, there will always be the danger that she'll be her again.

And I can't let that happen. I won't.

Alexandra Cabot is back. And she's not leaving. Not if I can help it.

Spanish Homework

Thu, 11 May 2006 06:14:22 GMT

Now I remember the downfalls of schooling. At least it's mind-numbingly easy... but then again, I really don't need more on my plate, however easy the entree.

Hola! Como estas Usted? Estoy bien. Y tu?

Which is about everything that we covered last night, along with the anger of the Spanish teacher at the immigration controversy in the south and the national anthem in Spanish...

The lawyer in me was aching to argue with him just because I'm so used to taking the side of the state. But I forced myself to shut up and remember that I don't have to argue with everyone all the time. Gotta keep that one firm in my head.

OOC Post Re: Cabot's History

Thu, 04 May 2006 21:29:18 GMT

((I thought I'd clear this up, since it's all over the place. I originally intended to retcon the whole WPP arc, just because it's simpler and keeps me from having to explain why the Feds took her out. But it now seems that the back story there should be kept open, because a couple of people have already encouraged me to keep the storyline going. So that's the plan.

Sorry for any confusion this might've caused.

::pokes Crawford:: You can work her back into your bio if you'd like, but you don't have to.

Anyway, look forward to rping with all of you. Happy writing!

Belle))

Thu, 04 May 2006 03:49:45 GMT

I have decided, after much whispering in foreign languages on the part of a defendant and his lawyer, that it's high time I learned to speak something other than English. Well, I know Latin, but as no one speaks it, it's pretty much moot except for translating law terms and such.

Anyway, I'm going with Spanish as my first. The Hispanic population is a large part of the City (and thus, by default, criminals), and it would not be good if I missed something that could be used as evidence just because I didn't understand.

Branch informs me that there's a budget for this sort of thing. Of course, it won't be fancy or anything, just a class at the community college. But at least I'll know it. So starting next Tuesday night, I'll be habla - ing espanol. Something along those lines. It's going to be the first time I've been back in a classroom for... whoo, nearly ten years, now. I'm actually looking forward to it, a little. The whole student-thing - sitting through lectures, homework, notes - was always appealing to me because there's instant gratification: knowledge. And Lord knows we all need as much of that as we can get!